When Mindfulness is a B*tch
Yep, thats right…
What I continue to learn, daily, is that yoga is not contained in asana. Yoga is, or should be, part of everything we do. Which is great, until you find yourself slumped down on the couch, spine in an inelegant c-curve, eating blueberry pie with cheese and watching “Jersey Shore.” Not that that’s happened to me. I mean, not in the last ½ hour, anyway.
Trying to live my practice should be, I feel, a source of great joy. And most often, it is. Living yoga – which to me means living mindfully, with my mind and body in the same place – is an incredibly beautiful practice. Eating mindfully, for example, by taking stock of the flavors on your tongue and textures in your mouth, can be downright sensual. And that (obviously) brings me to mindful sex (especially sex using the energetic elements of tantra), which is just, for lack of a better word, awesome.
But shit, I can’t be eating great food and having great sex all the time. I am currently, after a stint of traveling, jobless and homeless, and therefore the world is a big stress-ball. The days are full of long hours staring at computer screens, mornings in line at the Verizon store, and hot afternoons spent walking from job interview to job interview in a suit that chafes in the crotch and pumps that give me blisters.
These are the intervals in life where I find my high-minded “life of yoga” in tatters. I limp home, exhausted, and yes, crash out. In goes that over watched Bridget Jones’ Diary DVD and out comes the pint of Ben & Jerry’s peach cobbler ice cream. I get into comfy clothes, which, unfortunately, are my Lululemon groove crop pants. Yoga pants. And here’s the guilt, swooping in to wreck what could have been a soothing evening with Renee Zellweger. Now I just feel dirty, and not in the good way.
The other day, feeling more angst-ridden then usual about this lapse in my practice, I emailed my mom. My mom is, well, she’s the bomb. She is very dedicated to her yoga practice, and is a Reiki master to boot. Because she has also battled anxiety throughout her life, she is an excellent source of advice for my own moments of sheer crazy.
Her email response is proof of why the world needs moms:
” There is no right or wrong in the trivialities of every day life (that is most everything, as our supreme goal is peace/ mental health). Drop the judgment of right and wrong and, most importantly, endorse (mental pat on the back) for every effort…not just for outcome. This time of your life may seem distressing, but is not dangerous.”
I can’t say it any better than that. So today I am going to reward my efforts and gladly curl up in my groove crops (which are, after all, the comfiest pants I own). I am going to eat a slice of this fantastic blueberry pie, and (in honor of her wise words) watch this YouTube video of my mom’s interpretive dance troupe in Missouri. Then, I might watch some Sex & The City. And I am not going to feel guilty about it, not one bit.
Hallelujah Sista!
Related posts:
- ‘Mindfulness’ for his own life and for his Patients
- Multi-Tasking, Mindfulness, & Meditation of Action
- Video Announcement | The Center for Anusara Yoga – opening this fall in Encinitas, CA
- Music: The Language of the Universe | Jivamukti Yoga Focus of the Month
- “Whole Foods Parking Lot” – Hilarious rap video + lyrics
Well said…fun and pithy! love it!
Ditch the heels, for serious. Love the article, btw.
You go ON and get your groove back, Sistah!! Love your perspective- xoxoSSY
Mary – I hope you found a job! Keep us posted on your progress. I’m feeling a little distressed these days as well – so your mother’s Reiki touch helped me out too!
Tonight I am gladly going to have a glass of wine and skip out on my yoga sit-ups to strengthen my abdominals.
LOVE this post! I am too homeless and jobless and I feel you right down to the Bridget Jones watching. All the best! and thank you (and your mom) for the advice!
Thank you so much for your comments! It means a lot to me, knowing that others are going through similar struggles and could relate to something I wrote.
I did get a job, though it’s not exactly in my field (writing), and an internship, which is in my field and which I love! I also have a room in an apartment, and now have my own space for the first time since March. It feels really really good. Things have settled down a bit, and I am easing back into a more regular practice.
Thanks again for all your support and kind words – yoganonymous is such a great community! I hope all of your struggles also resolve themselves. They usually do… and then it’s on to new ones. I’m trying to just trust in the universe, that life will go the way it must, and all I have to do is hold on.
Love this!
I recently went through the same thing (looking for a job, getting the job, and then not liking the job) and all the while teaching and trying to be as mindful and loving to everyone I met. Transitions are tough, but in the end we all come out better on the other side. We must go through what we are going through in order to get where we are going.
That being said, remember that it’s okay to unplug every now and then and treat ourselves to a little R&R and fun to recharge and rejuvenate so we can face the world and our troubles head on.
Rock on Mary!